Emotions Unsaid

Ronak this ones for you.
Holding him close to me,in his arms,I tried to sum up all those moments that i ll miss in the coming two months. On 1st of Jan when most people welcome the new year with a smile i had to say goodbye to my loved one with tears in my eyes. He stayed still not one drop of tear or regret in his eyes. Thats when i thought he was too much of a man to show his true feelings but surely he feels the same way i do. I had only two days with him the 31st and 1st before he left for Paris on the 4th. Me knowung jus too well that the coming days will go by in a haze. I tried to fit in all those memories of one n a half years of being with him in those two days and locked it deep within my heart. I knew they will get me through those 2 months.
The countdown began as i started to see days go by. We met but for only a few hours and that too i caught anush in one of his worse moods. He had lot on his head. It was the 3rd and we met,knowing only too well that it will be long b4 we meet again. But guess the intensity of the fact never hit him. Like he so conviently mentioned in his post he is not at all emotional, and thats exactly what was missing that day. I cried not so much because he was leaving but cause he didnt feel the distance i already felt. He explains me how differently he thinks about missing me.And i believe him. No two people are the same. Neither are we. So i had to understand that he would be perfectly fine away from me while i ll be living through what i wud clearly term it as hell.
Even before it could sink in he was in Paris. I had practically 100 s of one way conversation. With me sending msgs n not even hoping for a reply. It felt so hollow. I would run to the phone only to find out Airtel had once again been kind enuf to remind me that i was a fool to wait around for a msg. But i knew better than that. I once again comforted myself saying that it was not easy for him to keep in touch and he was doing the best he could. My mailbox stood lonely just like my emptiness.
You know the first time in my life i agree with Anush. He always tells me"sue you love me more than i do?" I never wanted to believe him,but today i do.
His post on the blog made me realise that i was maybe not missed as much as he was. And today i feel stupid to have woken up each day hoping maybe today my phone will ring,just maybe my mailbox will flash his name,jus mayb i ll hear him say what i still wait to hear..
I know jus too well what your reaction is going to be Anush. And honestly i am not blaming you. You were just who you have always been. I just see and hope to see too much of what u not. Hope this post doesnt get misunderstood my anyone,not u esplly. I am sorry if i said things which are incorrect but thats jus how i felt today after readin ur post. Emotions did take the better of me.
I love u still more than u can imagine...