For Kanna...

I know the turbulence Kanna has been goin thu. A new place. New people. New course. But he is dealing with this in the most magnificent manner. I admire him for that. I always keep complainin about how he neva gives me time o doesnt say enuf o do enuf but then again i am bein only silly.He wakes up each mornin at 6.00 am so that he can talk to me. I can barely get a few words out early mornin while he is able to carry out a whole conversation for good 1 n half hour. And i still complain. I say it i complain n then i realise how wrong i am. He is not the kind who is very verbal about his emotion but he sure knows how to get his love across to me. I love you kanna. No matter what. At times i expect you to be like always tellin me how much i meanto u o how much i love u. While all this while u are but i refuse to see it. Jaanu. I miss u loads and i know i ll see u soon.. Please dont get annoyed with my childish stmts...

"Forgive Me"Can you forgive me again?I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you
I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you
Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken
I'd give anything now to kill those words for you
Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.
'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see How happy you make me
I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive
So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.
And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you.........

------Evanescence.

Somehow the above lyrics seem quite apt abt the way i feel.. Jaanu i always blame u n we fight. Sometimes i tend to get unreasonable. At times i may be right. But you have always been there for me. And most of all I love u for loving me.. ovabi...

24th August......

Today: 24th August


I slamed the door and promised never to come back...





Characters:


Narrator: In first Person. Samantha Lou.


Adrian: Rupert Berg.





1 months back:


We lay there in each others arms. A month away from the big night we have both waited for. We were goin to get married on the 24th August. The date we both recall as a turn point in our lives. I thought i had met happiness but not untill i met Adrian i knw what true happiness meant. Adrain was nothin like the other guys i have met. He was handsome and most of all extremely sensitive. He would hear me out while i narrated my entire day to the last detail. But Adrian never lost patience. He infact wud encourage me to say more.





I never realised that its his this silence that will get me all huffy with him someday.





Today:
(A couple of hours Back)

Adrian walked through the door. I stood silently in the kitchen. I could see he had had a rough day. I as usual spoke about what my day comprised of. We spoke regularly so there was very lil left to say. I probed adrian to speak. He lay silent all he said was that he was in no mood to discuss it. He never did. I knew that the best thing to do at these times is to jus leave it at that. So once again i felt the pang of pain in my heart n i continued with my work. After all i was supposed to understand him.. I had to spend the rest of my life with him. I had to adjust n accept him for who he is.





4 months back:

Adrain was about to leave for a trip to London for 2 months. I took an off from work so that i could spend the entire day with him. I helped him pack. I cooked his favourite dish, i knew he was goin to miss Indian food for awhile. We lay on the bed all day long jus before he had to catch his 2.00 am flight. We spoke about everythin we could fit in 20 hours. I cried a lil since it was the first time he was goin to be away for awhile. There were three hours away before we had to reach the airport. We were getting ready to leave. He was throwing on of his last minute jitters.
I would barely know what it feels like to be away from home all alone with strangers around me, i ve not stepped out of India even once. He was getting huffy with everythin i had to say.I reminded him to take his cell phone n keys, he jus snapped back at me. Tears welled my eyes. But i knew i could barely say anythin he was leavin and i was not goin to see him for a very long time. So i stacked in all my ego n jus smiled back, said a sorry and we stepped into the car.



Today:
(A couple of hours back)

I had a bad day at work. It was my last day at work before i went on a 3 week holiday. I had to wrap up everythin. Had a long n tiring day. Adrain walked up to me in the room to cheer me up, he sensed my sentiments. I jus nudged him away. He still held me close n kissed me. He told me to jus talk it out. I snapped back this time told him that he ll never understand then why bother. It was not Adrain's fault at al.. But he silently took it. He didnt yell back at all.. He jus said in his most cutest baby voice "But I love You"..

7 months ago:

Adrain and I had just completed our 4th year anniversary. I walked into Adrain's parents house at about 7 ish. He asked me to close my eyes and walk in. I did as i was told. I was made to stop just where his dinning table lay. I opened my eyes to see a nice chocolate cake (our fav) along wid a candle wid a red ribbon on it. It was the exact same day but not this happened years ago. Some three months of our relationship. Today we completed a year,but no suprises, no red rose under my seat, no burnt loved cd, no cake. But then again, wat had i done so special for Adrain that he had to do so for me. We only met for an hour to celebrate the only date that meant anythin to me. But what was more important was that we were togather. I failed to see that then.

Today:

Tears filled my eyes as i left the familiar building. I turned behing several times hoping to see a familiar face asking me to wait, to come back. But no one came. I walked on. Not knowing where i was going. It was early morning. But i still walked on hoping that my feet would take me to the place i belong. But i knew much to well that I belonged right by Adrain's side, in his arms. But when did things get so bitter. I loved Adrain n he loved me too i knew. Was i making a huge mistake. Was it once again a fight blown outta propotion. I had no chice this time. I refused to budge. I knew in no time i would hear Adrain's footsteps o him calling my cell phone to appologise. But i was begin to wonder how much longer wud i have to wait. What if he never called. Did that mean there was goin to be no wedding at 10.00 am.

I was loosing sight. I could not see well, wonder if they were tears o just my head spinning. I finally got off the building and onto the road. I went to the nearest park and seated myself there. There were only a few others there. My cell phone suddenly rang, i smiled but only to be disappointed. It wasn't Adrian it was my mother. Asking me the last minute detail plans. I told her all was well n that i wud call her later. The sun had barely come up. What was supposed to be my most happiest day was turning into the most diastrous one. I closed my eyes n prayed to God. I asked him to give methe strength to face it all. I knewAdrain would be here. It was after all where we spent most our lazin evenings. But he did not come. My phone did not ring. There was only 4 hours left brfore the wedding bells cud ring. I decided to forget it all n call him up. I knew Adrain he had too much of an ego. I tried calling him his cell was switched off. None of his friends knew where he was.

I suddenly got all nervous. i was worried. I prayed he was alright. Where could he be. I searched everywhere. Only one place was left. The Marriage Hall. I dreaded to go there. I knew it was too early for anyone else to be there but yet. I slowly walked up the path i hoped to walk in my wedding attire. I was in my jeans n jacket trying to protect myself from more than jus the chill.

I entered the dark hallway n into the room meant for the groom. Suddenly i heard the familiar lyrics in the silence of the room. A voice so distinct and known. It was none other than Adrain. He sang in his sweet voice " Come live your life with me".

He drew me close and kissed me like we have never kissed before. I savoured every minute. I closed my eyes and tears adorned my eyes. But this time they were not cause i was in pain,but in love. My heart was beating fast. We drew apart. He whispered in my ears in his most loving voice," Go get dressed honey, we have a marriage to attend"...

24th August: Adrain Weds Samantha

They live ever after.....( for me iys only once we go throught the pain that we can value the happiness we have.. So i would want a lil bit of both in my life. Just the duration of happiness sud be longer ;)

*Note: This story is ficticious and has no direct o indirect relevance to anybody. No offense is meant to anyone. It has no real connotation. No one was hurt while writing or thinking about this plot... I must say a work of Art..

I wanna rite today not beause i must but coz i want to relieve the pain witin me. Sadness engulfs me. Darkness takes its toll on me. I am feeling giddy. My eyes close n i fall to the floor with a "thud". I have never felt more peaceful, more relieved, more happy. All instances of my life flash right in front of me. One by one each monent, i silently let it pass me as they all come to life. Tainted me. Huanted me. Made this pain even worse.



I woke up in a place whr there was no one but me. I tried to speak but had lost my voice. I could see at a distance a very thin n fragile gal. She wasnt alone. There was a tall, broad shouldered guy standing in front of her. I could not see them clearly so i moved ahead. I recognised the faces but faintly. The boy looked through me. But the girl sensed my presence n turned around. She looked into my eyes. Her look penetrated deeper. Her eyes showed pain,dissappointment. I knew her. I knew her well. She was ME. I looked at him. Hoping he wud recognise me. He looked in my direction for only a second before he turned to the girl again. He held her by the shoulder. Shaking her roughly, "wht are u lookin at?tThere isnt anyone standing there". I realised, nothing had changed.



Silently, the girl turned away. She heard him.Heard him yelling,shouting. She remaned unaffected. Almost numb. Her eyes were filled with tears. I could see how each word made her wounds grow deeper. He was agry. I am sure she must have said something trigger it off. She must have dared to disagree. Over the years i had realised that to succmb to his will was the easier n less painful way. I hoped she would not rebel o retaliate. She didnt. She only silently cried.



He broke down. He had had enough. He held her and pulled her close to her. He hugged her tight afraid that his actions may result in loosig her. O that if he didnt hold her tight enough she ll dissappear. He closed his eyes and fought his tears away. She succumbed once again. She returned his hug. He moved away and gently kissed her lips. She didnt move away. She allowed him to. She still loved him. I stood there. Silently absorbing all that was goin on. She didnt once stand up for herself. What was she afraid of?



They both dissappeared,while i was once again left to my lonliness.Who was that girl i wondered. She looked jus like me,but then when did i become this way. I was always fearless. Never succumbed to another. O did I? My head got heavier. The pain was only getting worse.



Suddenly i felt a hand on my waist. It was him, i could neva forget that touch. He twirled me. Pulled me close to him so that i could feel his body press against mine. He lay a passionate kiss on my lips. We parted what felt like after an hour. He whispered in my ears still holding me close,"I am sorry ma. Please dont leave me. I love you." He was crying. pulling me closer he sobbed. I gave in. I held him close. Kissed him. Assured him i wasnt goin anyway. We both stood there in the dark. When i felt the throbbing pain again. My head got heavy, my limbs wea. I fell to the floor with a "thud".



When i woke up, he was right there next to me. My hand were entwined with his.He looked at me with concerned eyes. He smiled at me. He was the only one there. I looked around i was not in my room o in the dark room where i last saw myself. He leaned forward and kissed me.



What s it that i share with him.? My life is incomplete without him and yet i complain of his presence. Why do I seem to complicate what we have? Why do i picture him to be what he may not be? Why do i still pray for that nothing wud change? That he stilled remained the same.The one who cried for me. The one who was afraid to loose me. Who wud be every bit crazy and tell practicabilty to fuck off.



Why cant i realise that our love has reached another level. Where there is a silent agreement between the both of us that we Love one another. That we have the rest of our lives to show each other how much we love one another.