You will See Why....

As I write this million of people are busy with their lives. No one is going to stop to notice this parchment lying silently at the corner of the road. Trust me one day they going to regret they didn’t stop and wait.

It was a perfect afternoon. An afternoon you would decide to put on your walking shoes and take a nice long walk with your loved one in the park. I did just that, only negate the loved one. I was all alone. No one noticed me. That happened quite a lot. I have lived through 24 years blending perfectly well with my surroundings. No one ever noticed me. I wonder if it had to do something with my weight or the way I looked or for who I was ? Well I could never figure out and today like all the other days I don’t intend to. I slowly threaded to nowhere. It was a park, one place where you are not forced to make a “decision” of where you really wanna go. Well as far as I am concerned I never knew what it feels otherwise. I have always lived life knowing perfectly well that I have nowhere particular to be. Life had drifted by so quickly and I obeyed him like a good student accepting all that it had to offer. I never once stopped and thought what was it that I really cared to be. As a child I was always told what I had to do. When I grew up I had my fathers dream to fulfil and before I knew I was 24 years old. I know I keep saying that, almost like hoping I will learn to believe it. Today I work in an upbeat career. I am an PR agent to the most prestigious company in New York But here I am walking alone in this park searching for something to complete my life. I almost wished that lightning would strike an Angel almost as handsome as Tom Cruise I hope, would descend on earth to rescue me. Well wishful thinking. I wonder if he would notice me. Imagine he was sent here for me and he is chatting up this totally hot blond in her red hot shorts and who I am sure is way younger to me. Not that I am old yet.

After almost strolling half a mile I stopped. I sat down on the park benches which I know are meant for lovers or old cute couples to hold hands and remember their good old’ times. Well they will have to find another place. The wind blowing gently, the silence, the sound of the birds. It was all so romantic. Almost like the world was mocking me for being alone. Suddenly I saw it I saw a slight lightning across the sky. I heard a thunder. And just as I looked away from the sky with a broad smile on my face saying “ya as if”, I saw him. Well no not God silly. Him. Ok I didn’t know his name and stuff but he was so handsome and smart. His hair was drawn back. He wore this blue overcoat to keep himself warm from the chill and his smile. Oh it was a better deal than Tom Cruise. I was breathing fast. My heart was beating faster. Wow I hadn’t felt this way since college. And ya the guy I felt that way for is now a super model the one who features in the Lovable Ad. Well so you can see why I longed for this to happen to me.

“Hi I am lost. I am new around here could please help me get to this address?” And you won’t imagine the embarrassment that followed. I went like, “Hi lost, I am Susan.” I quickly realised what I had said and started laughing hysterically. Well I made a complete ass of my self. I took the paper in between my laughing and straightening up. Oh my God this was the address of where I lived. Well not exactly my flat number. No not my building either. But it was my street. So shamelessly I offered to walk him down. All those authors who wrote the book about “How to impress the one you love” or “How to find and keep a guy”, will be extremely disappointed in me. I will be one of those, things you should never do example. Anyway I was beyond playing it safe and slow. It’s been years since I was even standing in such close proximity of a man. And ya in my defence he noticed me and he spoke to me first. So as we walked down back, I realised my dream had indeed come true. Only a while ago I was hoping I had someone to take this walk with and not be alone. Well voila. But why were we so quite. I initiated the conversation. “So do most people call you lost or you have an actual name “. I smiled quite proud at my statement. He looked at me, smiled his heavenly smile and said “ Anush”. That was one helluva name. “You don’t look American?”.
“That’s cause I am an Indian”.
“Hmmm I thought so. I lived in India too. Years ago though. My parents still live there but its been long since I visited them. By the way what brings you here?”
“Oh I study in Texas. Actually came down for a conference.”
“Cool so you all clever and all. What you a scientist or an engineer?”
“The second one is the correct guess”. Once again I was graced with his godly smile. Chills ran down my spine when I looked at him. Was I in love already? Nah that could not be it. It must be getting colder. Ya that explains the weird feeling.

“Where in India do you live?”
“Mumbai and you?”
“Me too. What a freakish coincidence. It feels nice meeting someone with an old connection. Oh, here we are. You have reached your J.F Kennedy Centre of technology. So I guess this is it.”
“ Well ya. Thanks a lot. It was really nice meeting you Susan. Ah, I never asked you what do you do?”
“ I am an PR agent for a living. One of the reasons I was down there at the park was to think what I wanna do to be happy.”
“So have you figured that yet?”
“Nope, not yet but now I am sure I will. You have a nice week.”
“You too.”

He turned and walked away. I had this sinking feeling that won’t go away. It was like a part of me was taken away from me. I felt lost, angry, sorry and alone all at once. I could deal with these emotions when the sprung on me one at a time but this was a whole new feeling.

I was still holding on to that lil peace of paper. The only witness to this divine 20 minutes of my life. I didn’t know if I should hold on to it to remind me of its reality or just let it go to recognize its magic. I opened my clenched fist and let loose the paper. It flew with the wind. And tears filled my eyes. I was almost certain I was asleep. Only one more meeting God and I promise I ll tell him I love him and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. But of course he would think I am insane and run as fast as he can away from me and never ask a stranger for help again.

Sometimes letting go is the only way to move forward.



22nd June, 2005 – India.

Clad in what I would call as the least stylish clothing, a girl around the age of 22 walked into this huge college filled with people who had an IQ of at least ten times more than her. An ordinary yet glamorous (barring this one day) in her own way, she entered the “Electrical Lab”. She was popularly known Susan.

Fighting all odds, he slammed his car door only to prove his frustration and walked into the very familiar corridor of his very own E&TC porch. He was the smartest in his college and reacted to the name Anush.

They both were working on an event. One trying to escape her boredom and the other escaping any negativity and mind you less marks from his professor. But having to accept that they were subject to this for the next 4 days they decided to embrace their fate with a smile. Few minutes passed by and they were completely unaware of each others existence. Neither of them took notice of another. He was introduced to all but her. Not that she was interested either.

“Hi, Ammm.. I need to borrow the pair of scissors ”, says she.
“What this one?”
“(Yes Einstein) Yup the one you holding in your hands right now,” she smiled.
That’s how it all began . They weren’t exactly the perfect match, if anything they were totally opposites but that one day was good enough for both of them to realize that they were meant to be.

He walked her back to the Lab. It wasn’t a very long walk. But he ensured it would be. What good were his two years in this college if he didn’t know how to use it to his advantage? It was raining. Lightening and thunder added to the already romantic setting. He realized they both were awfully silent. So he took the initiative to strike a conversation.

“It was one long day no?”
“Yes it indeed was.”
“We still have three whole days to go. It s going to get worse.”
“Well ya we signed up for it. So can’t really crib now. And besides I am having a wonderful time.”
“Honestly. Me too. Maybe the best times I have ever had in these two years of my college. I must say it’s cause of the great company you make.”
Blushing.” Heh hee you quite a talker for a nerd. Untill I met you I thought all engineering students were dull. But well I have to rethink that now.”
“You good with words yourself.”
“Well here we are.” He says with a heavy heart. He was sure this was the longest route to get here.
“Yup.” She tried to hide her disappointment.
They stood there for a minute trying to take absorb the moment. She then pushed open the door to join the rest of them. She turned around,
“ You coming or what?”
“You go ahead will be there in a minute.”
She shrugs and enters in.

He looks up to the sky and smiles at his destiny. Untill yesterday he was nothing but a lonely sole. Someone who went through 19 years of his life without once feeling the way he did today. He just knew it. He looked up to God and prayed. God just give me one more chance to be alone with her. I will let her know just how much I love her and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

It thunder and a lightening struck. Else, the sky was pretty much silent. He smiled and looked away knowing too well he was asking way beyond his reach. He suddenly notices a parchment lying on the floor. In the corner totally unnoticed. Out of sheer curiosity he lifted it up and read,

‘J.F Kennedy Centre of Technology
Street 4. Lane 6
New York’.




Final Words…
Two different time zones. Two different periods. Same two people but two different situations. I always wondered if I had met Anush other than when I did would we have fallen in love and been together the way we are today after 2 yrs and 9 months (not that I am counting). It’s ironic how one Anush and Susan met and parted ways and how the other were meant to be together forever.. This makes me believe stronger in what kanna keeps telling me “ Whatever happens, happens for a reason and happens for the good.”

P.S. I Love You..

This ones for you kanna.

I sit on my couch watching tv. Its a regular afternoon. I turn away from the tv to see u smiling down on me. I move a lil closer and tears fill my eyes. Its hard to say why?? I jus snuggle up next to u. I see ur arms slowly move to hold me. You do what u always do when i am in your arms, brush my hair from my face and just look in to my eyes. I can see announce of love for me and my lips part into a smile. How ironic i feel happiness and pain all at the same time.? An emotion so beautiful. One which i had never experienced before. I closed my eyes just so i could capture the moment, so that it never passed us by.

Almost 5 minutes later i looked around u werent there. You had left. You promised to stay. You promised you ll be there with me. You promised you wont leave me alone. You knew how afraid i was to face this world alone. It was only an illusion. But when was an illusion ever so strong. I swear i could feel your hands around me. I swear i heard you whisper softly "Sue, I love you. I really do". I knew waking up would not have been a good idea. Every room i went i could feel your presence and hurt me to even think that it would be long before i could be in your loving arms again. December was so far away.

I got your messsage last night. It was beautiful. It actually made me feel like u standing right in front of me and saying those words to me. Honey i miss you loads. And maybe life would have been way too perfect ifyou were around me all the time. Maybe i would never know just how much i loved you or how much i wanna be with you. no one is more important to me in this world. And there are several times i have let you down. But you have always taken me for who i am. Never once asked me to change or fret by my wierd n absurd self. You accepted me in totality. Thats why I love You so much. No one ever tried knowing who i am. No one was ever a friend to me. No one nurtured or cared for me like you did. For a million reasons, I say I love You honey..

You are millions away. In a country which has nothing in common to our India ;). I keep looking at those roads we ave tread together. The places we have raided. Each day was so much fun with you Anush. I miss them. Now each day is only a moment i am forced to breath. You gave me a reason to live. I knew life as it was only after i met you kanna. Wont thank you coz i m goin to be for ever indebted to you..

Please forgive for all the times i ve done you wrong. Please forgive me for the each moment I have hurt you. Please forgive me for letting you down. Please forgive me to break your trust more than once. I love you jaanu and i am going to make an attempt to be the perfect person in your life just the way you in mine...

Tapi..