Rantings of a Distanced Soul...

Ally McBeal has a way of depressing me. Not because her life is a walkin truth of what most women her age go through but because it is so close to the reality i faced. Each episode silently makes me realise the mistakes i have made but never really admitted.

Today once again my thoughts were triggered i felt like writting in this lil haven of mine called Significant Insignificant. This place is private a place we write what we truely feel o how much we feel for the one we Love. Well drifting again. Like all my post this one too has a very obvious reference to my Jaanu.

It was one of those wonderful evening. A page out of a fairytale. A picture perfect life. Holding hands, walking miles,Gazing into the deep blue sky. Everything was perfect but i was still sad. Because i knew that it was the perfect end. It would not be long before the clock wud strike 8pm and would be time for him to leave. Leave for good. Leave the town were he had grown to love me. Where he had grown to be a man. Where we had realised our dreams. But tonight this all would end. I squeezed his hands tight hoping if i held on firm i could keep him back. But i knew i was being delusional. Last few hours just passed by quickly and quitely just like the pain i felt within. Why did it have to be this way? Why did he have to leave at all? Why all good things are snatched away from me and i am asked to live with the only thing i cannot live without? I searched for answers everywhere,but was left dissappointed. I delude myself by believing that all this is for the best and that by being apart we may have a more healthy relationship.

But someone please explain me this, how do i console myself when all i really want is a hug from him? How do i pacify the pain within when i cant feel his hands in mine at the time i need him to hold on to me? What do i tell my lips that yearn for his? How do i silent my heart that cries out loud for his presence?

Nobody ever asked me what i wanted. Not like the answer would have painted another picture but the truth would be easier to handle. Not once was i asked if i would be fine with this distance o how i would handle it. Now dont get me wrong dear reader, its not like i am not happy for him and his success. I know its extremely important and he is doing this for the both of us. Also if he had an option i know he would wat to be here with me. But fate did not leave him with much options. But somewhere i still wished i was asked just once.

I would like to end this post with a l;il note to the man in my life Anush:
Kanna i miss you more than u can imagine. Thank u for doing all that u can to numb this pain. You have been really sweet and understanding about this distance and my mood swings that followed. I know i ll take a back seat from now till about 4 yrs more (i know u ll get the degree u seeking by then), after which i ll be ur priority after which it ll be my turn. Sometimes it gets so difficult to accept that i cant wake up and feel u by my side. Sometimes its so hard to believe u miles away. But like i have a million times before, "I wanna be ur strength not ur weakness, I dont want to be the cause of ur failure but the reason for your success....."