Trust is one word that I ve neva understood.. What makes u trust a person? Why should I trust him? What if one morning only to wake up and see that I ve been left all alone. That I ve to pick up the pieces n walk aaway. What happens to the trust? Does trust bind two ppl to be together o compel them to stay together. Is that why marriages have a need to be made legal and not love alone?

For the one whose goin to read this let me clarify: These rantings are not subjected top you o any particular thing tht happened,even though most of my posts are. Its only a passing thought. Now let me begin as to where this thought came abt....

One quite afternoon i lay in the bed. When ssuddenly the phone rings. The number on the screen looks familiar. I pick up knowin exactly whose goin to greet me with his lovely, "Hi Sue". But the voice didnt hold the same enthusiasm. Maybe da whole days work was getting to him. I didnt bother much, but my heart warned me that somethin terribly wrong was goin to happe.. After an exchange of few words he went straight to the point. His voice turned sad. He told me that he had started to get feelings for someone else. That he had gotten closer to someone else. The distance had atlast caused the fnal drift today. I held the phone silently. Too shocked to let tears take over. He asked me as to what he should do. I smiled more at the forces than da sad demise tht my life was goin thru. I stayed quite for awhile n spoke what i know i would even though i was well aware with all the abusive terms which i cud make use of in a situation like this.. But i choose the obvious. I said," If you had the courage to come and tell me tht u like someone else, tht by itself indicates tht those feelings are stronger than what u feel for me. Its obvious and quite clear tht those are the feeelings that need your attention and not me anymore." I told him to choose what his heart wanted and it obviously wanted her, so he sud go ahead and have anice life.. But do me a favour never to call me o meet me eva again. It ll be a part of that ll die tooday. " all i can say today is tht thank u for bringing me all tht u did in my life. you gave me hope to live, You gave me LIfe. Today as u walk away you take tht part along with u.. I ll miss you an will always love you, even though u dont anymore." I hung up..

Suddenly tears filled my eyes. I woke up with a sudden jerk only to find myself lyin on the bed and barely able to see thru all the tears . My heart felt heavy like it was in deep pain. I wiped away the tears and sat up straight. Suddenly i was afraid.. Afraid what will i do if this dream materialised someday. I said to myself that i trust him and he ll neva do somethin like that, but my conscience believed otherwise.. Hadnt it all happened to me before.. I know this time it was much different. But i have given so much of my self to this relationship tht i am afraid.. afraid to be left all bare n alone..

I trust u kanna and i hope that day neva comes.. I may ave done things that may not have exactly proved me trustworthy either but in my defense i ve always loved you and respected our love for one another and ll neva insult that by lovin someone else o drifting away even for a moment. I am sorry ma at any point in time tht i ve breached ur trust..